It's been awhile, a very long while. I definitely took that whole 'alone' thing and ran with it. I stopped going out, became entirely unreliable and basically hid from people. It made me realize how much I disliked being around anyone.
Lately that's taken a toll on my emotions and I've noticed how much people actually avoid me now. My fault, I put myself in that situation. But I can't help but be a little bit lonely now.
I've decided 2010 will be a new year. I've downplayed the last two and now I'm simply bored with life. School takes up most of my time and I only get Sundays and Mondays off. Being up at 6 is making it tough to even stay awake past 9 now too. Totally killing my social life..or what's left of it. Only place I can really go to on my nights off is Cinespace and there are SOME people there who I'd rather not see.
Not in that way. I don't hate him, at all, entirely the opposite. I just realized that being strung along for so long won't do anyone any good. With the new year, I'm ready for a change. I know I won't ever be good enough for certain ppl and I'm just sick of being the one who people are ashamed to be seen with. I put him on the most insane pedestal since day 1. It's been probably almost 10 years and it'll only ever be a crush. My little mind just built it up to be something when it absolutely was not. I just needed to slap myself into reality. Stupid stupid stupid.
On a lighter note, tomorrow my love Sarah wants to go to Hotel Cafe to see George Stanford perform so that should be fun. I love that place!
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